We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
