do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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