Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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