I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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