I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
