fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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