I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
