so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize