my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
