I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
