Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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