hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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