I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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