Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway