Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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