My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.