my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.