I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why did my mother make you get naked?