Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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