If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
