What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
