her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
