The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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