Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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