she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
