Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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