No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i already hear my dad disowning me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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