On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
