Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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