dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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