omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
