Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
