he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
