69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
