so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
