I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
