I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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