the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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