Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
