Please, let me fuck your mom
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize