I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
