My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
