I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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