so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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