just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
