i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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