watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
