like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
