i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
