thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
