The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
