guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
