please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
