the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
