he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
