I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
