I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
