you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
