Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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