Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
