you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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