We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
