for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
