Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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