If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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