there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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