How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
