i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
