Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
