the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
