So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
