dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
