So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
