i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
